Sadie Kane's Guide to Annoying Your Brother
by Awesomnesssquared
Summary: Sadie Kane here. Like a lot of you, I have a brother. Here I have written some handy tricks on how to annoy him. Dedicated to sisters everywhere.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, people! I felt like writing this because I have an older brother who annoys the heck out of me, so what's a girl to**

**do? Well, I now present it to you. Yes folks, it's Sadie Kane's guide to annoying your brother. Review, please!**

'**Ello people, my name's Sadie Kane, and like a lot of you out there, I have an annoying brother. This is my guide on how**

**to get back at him for everything. Just beware retaliation!**

**1. When he insults you, grab something behind you and (let's say it's a pencil) say: "It's all right, pencil! He didn't mean it!"**

Sadie and Carter were having an argument. This was something that only happened once with Sadie and most people, but Carter was her brother.

"Adele is awesome!"

"You're so stupid for thinking that she's awesome! The only people who like Adele are maniacs!"

Sadie's eyes narrowed. It was time to try a time-tested annoying tactic. Sadie reached behind her back and grabbed a book. "It's OK, book! He didn't mean it!"

**2. When he's eating, put your face right up close to his and stare at him. When he notices, say loudly: "I've been watching you eat for the last thirty seconds. You're weird!"**

Carter was enjoying a grilled cheese sandwich when Sadie noticed that. _This cannot go on_, she thought. So she walked over to her brother and, with a grimace, put her face right next to his and stared at him. Carter noticed her after about a minute. "What do you want?" he asked. "Nothing," Sadie said. "I've been watching you eat for the last thirty seconds. You're weird!" She got up and walked away, leaving Carter sputtering for a reply.

**3. Get a small universal remote. Then, whenever your brother tries to watch TV, turn the volume down so that he can't hear it. When he goes to turn the volume up, turn it up really loudly.**

Carter was watching his favorite movie in the Brooklyn House living room. Sadie walked in and plopped down by her brother. "Hey, Sadie," mumbled Carter through a mouthful of popcorn. Sadie winced as bits of chewed-up popcorn flew all over her. Then she remembered the universal remote in her pocket and smiled devilishly. Time to get revenge.

Carter was watching the climax of the movie when he felt Sadie get up. He watched her walk into the kitchen, shrugged, and returned his attention to the movie. But as soon as he did that, he heard the volume of the TV getting quieter. It wasn't a huge problem at first, but then it just kept getting softer and softer... until he had to strain to hear it. He went over to turn the volume up, and suddenly the volume was blasting right in his ear! He made a sound like an injured puppy, then turned to see a laughing Sadie sitting on the couch. Then Sadie noticed him. "Uh-oh..."

**4. Tie their pajama legs together.**

Carter was getting dressed for bed, when suddenly he fell over with a loud thump. He tried to get up again, but the same thing happened. This happened four times before he noticed that his pajama legs were tied together. "Sadie! You are so dead!"

**5. When they have a girlfriend and are talking on the phone to her, pick up the other receiver and interrupt sometime during their conversation.**

Sadie heard the sounds of Carter talking to Zia from the other end of Brooklyn House. She inched over to the kitchen door and looked in. Yep, Carter talking on the phone to Zia, all right. Sadie ran to her room and grabbed the other receiver. She held it to her ear and waited for a lull in the conversation. When it came, Sadie yelled, "PURPLE PLATYPUS!" and hung up.

**6. When they are IM-ing their friends and they go to the bathroom, quickly get on the computer and start typing for them.**

Sadie watched Carter IM-ing his friends. He'd have to go to the bathroom eventually, and Sadie was determined to stay there until it happened. Finally, Carter got up to go to the bathroom, and Sadie jumped on her chance. She pounced on the keyboard and typed: 'One time I went to the beach and I got sand in my bathing suit and wasn't able to get it out and so I had a rash for three days' Which was true, actually.

The reply popped up. 'Sadie, is that you?'

**7. Play the recorder. A way to make this more annoying is to take the top part off and blow into it when your sibling is reading or watching TV.**

Carter had just started his homework when an annoying, high-pitched whistling sound insulted his ears. He covered them, but just then, the whistling had seemed to stop. He uncovered his ears, and as soon as he did, the whistling started again, louder this time. He cringed. This had to stop! His poor ears!

Sadie watched her brother's reactions from the camera that she had put in the room with him. He looked angry and annoyed. She grinned. The recorder had met its goal. On the screen, she saw Carter approaching the room she was hiding in. She left the room before he could get there.

Carter reached the room where the noise had been coming from and paused. There was no one there. Carter took one more step into the room and suddenly the whistling came. _Skreeeeeeeeeeeeech! _He ran away as fast as his legs could carry him. He could have sworn that he had heard Sadie laughing.

**8. Follow him around, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.**

Sadie had just acquired what she needed for this newest annoy your brother trick: a can of Lysol. She was prepared for whatever would come her way.

"Sadie, what are you doing?" asked Carter, after she had sprayed his sandwich with Lysol. Sadie colored. "Well, you know, you're not exactly the cleanest, and you don't wash your hands that much, so I figure that I'm doing other people a favor. "Sadie, are you implying that I'm dirty?" "No, not implying. After all, I said it straight out, didn't I?"

**9. Sew anti-theft detector strips into their backpacks.**

Sadie was practically vibrating with glee as she watched Carter pick up his backpack. _It should happen any second now, any second…_ she kept telling herself. Suddenly Carter's backpack emitted a high-pitched beep. It went on, over and over. Carter dropped his backpack and kicked it. It rolled over, revealing an anti-theft detector strip on the bottom. Carter slowly raised his head to look at Sadie, but she was gone so fast she practically left an after-image behind.

**10. Write X-BURIED TREASURE all over his road maps.**

Carter picked up a map to go orienteering. As Sadie watched him, he walked out the door, holding his map high. Suddenly, he knew why Sadie had been hiding a smile. _Why did she write X-buried treasure on my map?_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm BAAAAAAACK! Yes, it really is me again, psycho, little sister, book-lover and part-time writer. I hope you enjoy this newest addition to Sadie Kane's Guide to annoying your brother. As always, review! Thank you to addicted2reading9, for the great idea for rule #15! **

**11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Did you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."**

"Did you hear that?" Sadie asked. She had already asked this six times, but it didn't get any less funny, watching Carter's face get red as he got annoyed. She saw him grit his teeth as he said "No. What?" She gleefully answered, "Never mind, it's gone now." Carter suddenly snapped. He yelled "WHAT THE #$^% IS IT?" Sadie was delighted. Never before had she gotten her brother this annoyed. Her mission was accomplished.

**12. When his girlfriend comes over, give her his diary saying, "This is a story I wrote. Can you read it?" Then watch and enjoy.**

Zia and Carter were sitting in the living room talking when Sadie came in. She was determined to get back at Carter for reading her diary, but she had no idea how. As she watched Carter and Zia kissing, she had a brilliant idea. She then disappeared.

Five minutes later she came back, this time holding his diary. Revenge would be sweet. She approached Carter and Zia, who abruptly fell silent. She went to Zia and held out Carter's diary. Carter's face took on a horrible pallor as she said: "This is a story I wrote. Can you read it?" Carter's face betrayed all his emotions. He was terrified, yet also admiring of her nerve.

Zia started reading his diary. It was all Carter could do not to jump on her and scream "STOP!" It was all Sadie could do to keep from laughing out loud as she watched. Zia read what appeared to be an extremely _interesting_ part, and her face turned bright red. "Carter!" she said, and Sadie practically bounced with glee. "Could Carter and I have a moment to talk?" she asked politely, but her voice got soft in a way that gave Sadie the shivers down her back. Zia pulled Carter out of the room. Sadie was very glad that it wasn't her. From outside the room, she heard yelling. She smiled evilly. _Brother annoyance scale: 10 out of 10._

**13. When he's in the shower, put his clothes on the couch and leave the windows open. Then leave a note on the bathroom door that says "Check the couch. Revenge is sweet!"**

Carter was enjoying a warm shower when he heard the giggling. Giggling was never good. He dried himself off and went to put on his clothes… his clothes! They were gone! There was a note on the door saying: "Check the couch. Revenge is sweet!" Carter did the only natural thing. He screamed.

Sadie was sitting on her bed, waiting. When Carter's surprisingly girly and high-pitched scream split the air, she leaped to her feet. She just had to see this.

Carter stood in the living room doorway, clad in only a towel. He was debating whether or not to go out. The windows were open, after all… Suddenly Carter decided to just go for it. He ran out into the living room clutching his towel. He bent over forwards, grabbed his clothes, and sprinted out of the room as fast as he could. He didn't see the camera placed strategically in a corner of the ceiling.

Sadie was bent double from laughing as she viewed the tape one more time. She watched as Carter ran into the living room and grabbed his clothes, pausing to zoom in on the astonished face of Amos, who was out on the patio. This was classic.

**14. Switch his water with vinegar when he gets up to go to the bathroom.**

Sadie watched her brother as he took a sip of water. Then another. And yet another. Just as Sadie was starting to get annoyed, Carter excused himself from the table. This was her chance.

As soon as Carter was out of earshot, she ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vinegar. The trainees watched her curiously as she poured the water into the pool, and then filled up his glass with vinegar. She giggled to herself as she tip-toed into the kitchen to put back the vinegar. This was going to be- _Ahhhh!_ Sadie heard her brother's steps from the kitchen. She almost panicked, but calmed down enough to shut the cup-board door quietly and dart away.

Carter came into the kitchen a second later. For a brief moment he wondered why the cupboard door was ajar, but shrugged it off. It had probably been that way when he had first gone to the bathroom. He walked onto the patio and sat down at his seat. The first thing he saw was the face of Cleo, which was strained, as if she was trying not to laugh. He immediately looked at Sadie. Her face was relaxed and normal, so she probably hadn't done anything. He took a sip of his water and…

… Sadie covered her head as Carter did a spit-take. As vinegar rained down on her and the trainees, she couldn't help but laugh. This was going into the book.

**15. Find a ridiculous meaning for his name, and then taunt him with it.**

"So, Cart Driver, what are we going to do now?"

Carter's face showed that mixture of confusion and annoyance that Sadie loved. He said, "What did you just call me?" with just enough menace in his voice to warn Sadie off. Or so he thought.

"Cart Driver. It's what your name means, so…" Sadie said, her voice trailing off at the end. Carter was appalled. "Are you calling me a _cart driver_?"

Sadie was enjoying this. "Yeah. And it is an excellent career choice for someone like you, with not a whole lot in the brains department," she added cheerfully. Carter looked like he was about to explode, and his face was so red that it was partially glowing. Sadie looked triumphant. _Little sister:1, big bro: 0._

**Sorry that this chapter was so short! It'll be longer next time. I plan on making ten chapters.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I haven't updated for so long! I have had jam-packed weekends. First I had my birthday, then my party, and then on Saturday I took the ACT, no matter that I'm only in 7th grade. I hung out with my friends. Well, enough about me. Time to do the disclaimer! And to do it, I've brought in someone very special. Sadie, say hi.**

**Sadie: I know how to say hi. I'm not an idiot.**

**Me: +puts on innocent face+ Really?**

**Sadie: Grrrrrrr...**

**Me: Ok, OK! Just do the disclaimer!**

**Sadie: Fine. Awesomenesssquared does not own the Kane Chronicles. What a relief.**

**Me: Excuse me?**

**Sadie: Uh-oh...**

**Hide dairy products in inaccessible places in his bedroom. Then wait.**

Sadie smiled ominously. Or so it seemed to Carter. Normally when Sadie smile like that, it was time to call the police. Or run away screaming. One of the two. Carter slowly walked into his bedroom, aware that Sadie was watching him. He looked around, and seeing the room exactly as he left it, shut the door. Sadie let out the breath that she'd been holding. She had been afraid he would find out. Well, never mind. She had successfully completed step one of the project. Now all that was left to do was wait.

**Two weeks later...**

Sadie woke up to the sound of gagging. It was coming from Carter's room. Sadie opened the door and was immediately blasted with a wave of odor. Sadie screwed up her face. The stench was making her eyes water. She bravely pinched her nose and walked in. "What is that awful smell? Carter, have you showered recently?" she asked in a nasally voice. "Sadie! It's not me! I don't know what it is!" shrilled Carter. Sadie said "Well, it's making me feel sick. I'm out of here." Sadie shut the door behind her and left Carter to find the milk she had hidden in his closet.

**Invite lots of your friends to his birthday party**

Carter heard the doorbell ring. "Coming!" he cried, sprinting down the stairs to open it. It was the night of his fifteenth birthday and he was having a gigantic birthday bash to celebrate. He flung open the door, expecting to fin his friends or maybe Zia, and was surprised when a flood of eighth graders push him back. He said, mystified, "Who are you?" One of the girls said: "We're in Sadie's class. She invited us. Can you tell us where the drinks are?" Carter told them, and as they filed out, he glowered. "I'm going to get you for this, Sadie..."

**Chew on pens that you've borrowed from him**

"Carter, may I please borrow a pen?" "Sure," said Carter, tossing over the pen to her. Sadie caught it and looked it over. It was quite a nice pen, as pens go, and she slightly regretted what she was about to do. She walked over to her room and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, she resigned herself to the gruesome task of chewing up his pen.

Carter looked at the pen Sadie had just returned to him. It was mangled so badly that he never would have known it was his except that Sadie had insisted. It dripped something onto his jeans, and he held it away in disgust. "Sadie, is that... _spit_?" Sadie blushed. "Um, uh, yes?" Carter grimaced. He walked over to his wastebasket and dropped in his pen. "I'm never lending _you _pens again!"

**When they are trying to read or watch TV or do homework, fill a cup with a teeny bit of water, get a straw, and try to suck it up. **

Carter was doing his homework in the living room when he heard someone come in. It was Sadie. He ignored her and went back to his homework, glaring at it so fiercely it was a wonder that it didn't burst into flame. He still hadn't forgiven her for inviting all her friends to his birthday party.

Sadie looked at her brother, who was boring down on the pen so hard that she knew there would be pen marks on the table. She knew that he was deliberately ignoring her, and so she decided that she had to be impossible to ignore. She walked into the kitchen.

Carter had just started on problem five when he heard Sadie leave the room. _Good riddance, _he thought, and went back to his math problem. _If m squared equals b to the fifth power, and m+b= 29, what are m and-_ Carter's thoughts were interrupted by a loud, wet slurping sound. He turned around and there was Sadie, drinking the last of a cup of water. She grinned at him and went back to sucking up her drink. He glared at her and turned around. Just as he had returned his attention to his work, there was another great sucking sound. Carter felt his face turning red. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and left the room. Sadie followed, still slurping, sucking, and gurgling. This happened five times before Carter gave up. He flung himself down on the carpet and groaned. He wouldn't get any more homework done today.

**20. When he brings his girlfriend over, hang around them. WARNING: It will be a trial of who gets awkward first.**

Carter and Zia were sitting on the couch in the living room. In theory they were watching a movie, but they were actually gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Sadie, who was watching at the door, turned away in disgust. But then she had an idea. She walked into the living room and plopped herself down on the couch next to Zia and started watching the movie. She felt them turn their heads towards her, but she kept her eyes glued on the TV screen. She heard Carter mumble something to Zia, and they left. Sadie followed. The next place they went was the pavilion, where they watched the stars. At least, until Sadie stepped out of the sliding glass door and started playing with Phillip. And so it went on, until finally Carter yelled, "Leave us ALONE!" It was music to her ears


End file.
